Doggie Torture

2:30 am and I am wide awake. Insomnia? No. The incessant licking sounds coming from the hallway. Every now and then Sweetie will lie in one spot and just lick the hardwood floor. For some reason this sound is to me like fingernails on a chalkboard. I try to ignore it, but the sound begins boring into my brain.

Lick lick lick lick lick.

I tried a stage whisper, "Sweetie, Stop it!"

Lick lick lick lick lick.

I try several more times

Lick lick lick lick lick.

At this point my brain remembers that Sweetie is hard of hearing. I am not.

Lick lick lick lick lick.

I get up and stumble to that hallway. Sweetie stares at me innocently and stops licking.

I stumble back to bed and just get comfortable when...

Lick lick lick lick lick.

Damn. I remember that Sweetie can hear different tones so I begin stage whispering at high pitches and low pitches.

Lick lick lick lick lick.

I try clapping.

Lick lick lick lick lick.

At this point I am wide awake, grouchy and yell "GODDAMN IT SWEETIE! STOP IT!" This wakes up Bob.

Lick lick lick lick lick.

I finally go and shut the bedroom door and crawl back in bed.

Poor MoMo Kitty senses my distress and walks up my body purring. "Mommy, if you pet me you'll feel better!" and proceeds to start licking my hand.

Lick lick lick lick lick.

I can't win.